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Thursday, March 26, 2009

izzit I really can't breath or what...

Something "great and bad" happened to me always...
Sometime really hurt me...and let me feel so down until now...
til this moment...I gotta pretend like I'm happy...really enjoying with my life...
But...
at night when I was alone in the room...
I could only see the wall and Bearbear only...
and can't feel anything is accompany me...
just left darkness and fear...
I not fear with darkness....just fear deep inside my heart...
that something can't tell...something really can't describe...
I know it will continue to be like that...
even when I'm in the room after finish writing my blog...
really fear for me...
But I will try to solve it...
Cause it really suffer...

No one really can understand this...understand how was I feel...including him...
Cause recently he's with friend almost all the time...
when he faces some troubles he has friends by he side also include me...to help him...to support him...
how about me???
no one will support me...
no...
its actually there are no one to support me...
every time he just tell me to be patient and sympathy...
I really have been lived such a life for the past year...
and I understands this kind of feeling more then everyone does...
I know that I still have him...
but what can he really do... to help me???
sometime I need him...but he is not around me...
I'm not blaming him...
I just wanna to tell him what I want to say...like that only...
Finally I tell out what I really really wish to him...
but...
can he do for me???
I don't know...
Just he will know that answer...
till now....at this moment...
I like living dead...
my body is without soul...
I know in this world there's are no one really can help me as what I want...
there are just only Me can help myself...

I just want to tell you all...
I'm a Human...
not a things...
I have a feeling...
I need someone understand my feeling...
not hurting me deeply like this...
like a pieces of diamond...
I will not confess that I did something wrong...
Cause I really did not do something wrong...
I am who I am...
I'm just the only who am I...
Cause I'm the only one...
this is the things that won't change it...
not even who can change it....

So what will my life after this???
whose know...
whatever it is...
I still will follow what you tell me last time...
I did not do something wrong...
So I won't be afraid for it...

I know my life is complicated...
and full of challenge...
maybe one day I will give up for it...

p/s:life really not that you think so easy...is full of challenging...


2 comments:

Mr.x said...

in our whole life, there is a lot of up and down... and everyone have to pass through this stage... angle, do you really love him? ask yourself inside your heart. love need understanding and sympathy. some times, things will go ups and down just like what i said just now. but when there is up, you have to maintain it, when it was down, and you have to make it up. to be together there is something really important, and that is trust, trust with someone you love. trust with what had you did. i had loved some one before, and what u said, i had experience before. "human always want more and more" before you get it, you will say hope i get it,i just want to get it and i don't care what will happen after that. but once you get it, you will say i hope things will be better. once things become better, you will demand more and more. this is life. but the most important things is both of you are really appreciate what you have. wish you luck and wish you get your answer one day.

Angel Tan said...

I sure and I can swear I really LOVE my HubBy!!!
I just felt that I have too many require to him...
Cause I don't want him to leave me alone...
I scare to be 1person...
I will felt darkness without him...
so I really need him...
I know that I recently like to blem him because he did not accompany well...but now I think back..I really self-fish....
I did not think he feeling...
I just want to say with my huBby...
Sorry that I'm really too self-fish...
I swear it that I LOVE you deeply...

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